Omg.

Sex helps. Lols.

I'm back from my very short holiday in Singapore. Short and fast. Time flies when you're having fun, before I could actually say a proper hello to Singapore, I'm already leaving. Still, it was 4 days 3 nights of bliss and complains.
Complains, because of my terrible mood swings that probably drove Selyna MAD, complains she had to bear for the first two days in Singapore. Until she had to let her frust out by telling baby about my complains.
Selyna "You know she's been complaining so much. Complain yesterday, complain this morning.
Damn bad mood la she today"
D "Isn't that normal for her?"

I stayed at the hostel for the first night. Which was pretty uncomfortable. Met up with Kyle and Sim in Bugis for dinner and a walk-around. Then had beers late night with the baldie. After suffering from frust of taking&waiting for the public bus, I felt so happy & relieved to have someone to pick me up and take me around. You cannot imagine how lost I and uncomfortable I felt taking the public bus.

Second day was spent in FHA and Orchard with Sim & Selyna. D picked us up for dinner and pool. Took Sim to see his Merlion. Actually felt happy that D was able to mix with my friends =)
Selyna left on the third day and I spent the day and night in Sentosa with D. I'm still confused about a lot of things.

I miss the work-free days, those hours of being in his arms... OMG. Fuck.

Yeahs!

I am so so so happy that I pass my economics! I bought the shoes I really wanted AND, I'm going to Singapore! =) =) Life is going kinda well...

I just need a little more money for clothes.

Going Mental

It is coming close to every night that I dream about working. Because work has caught up with my life, slowly creaping its way tru my veins and sooner or later taking over my body... Maybe it has already done so. Lifeless, is what I may say about my life now. Other than working with a bunch of a bit crazy Indonesian Chinese, my life is a dull. No more cheesy scandals, no more naughty real life situations.. no more.. fucks. Pathetic huh? And who can say "life sucks!" better than max?

I'd be turning to an emo fuck soon if D does not call. I have imaginations of him having another girl. wtfs. I am going crazy. I miss Penny and Jing so much at these times when we can go out and have our girly chatt and TRY to eat healthy, TRY to shop cheap.. It really takes my mind off things. *sobs* I feels likes cryings.

I am trying to keep myself away from cigs, other than showing the others how to do a reversed waterfall last night, I have been doing a great job. I was never really addicted to cigarettes. I can mostly do without it but with the pressure going on in me, a cig is like a 1/5 path to a few seconds of 'bliss'. But is it worth it to destroy a further few years of my life?

Wild Sex.

I was thinking of those intimate scenes in movies or those written in books and realised what turned me on the most was those really wild/forced ones. I'd like a guy who would just pin me down in bed and start ravaging my body. LOLS.

It scared me a bit last year, when buddingpilot knew what I wanted, he could just read me like an open book. He says the right things about me and that is, quite freaky. I have never had anyone who truly knows what I desire, not even my closest friends know my deepest, wildest, darkest, secrets and fantasies. OMG.

But the relationship between buddingpilot and me is gone. That is what I think, when I told him that I was getting back with my ex. He thought my ex was a puss and a loser when he couldnt decide whether he wanted me or not at first. I mean, alright.. maybe D is a bit.. indecisive or shy at times on expressing himself, and then.. I wanted a man, so I took bPilot undermywings (hahawtfs). Now, I'm telling him that, I've chosen the loser, over the bestwildgoodsexguyhim. The guy whom I 'cheated' with him on.. (no I'm not proud of what I've done)

He's pissed off. I don't know what to do. But the question is whether was he just playing around in the first place? eh?

I love jing who tried to called me countless times to see me in Pyramid. I love jing. she hots. =)

OMG

Firstly, I would like to express my... uhm, dissatisfaction towards my parents and their respect for my privacy - They read my text message when my phone rang, dammit! wtf?!cibai. Really, I feel so violated. I know I'm their daughter, but there's respecting ones privacy? Daughter rights?! No? No words can describe how terribly angered I am. I did not argue with them, because my mom sees no problem of reading my private letters. =) How FUCKED UP is it?

Secondly, she saw the photo of D & me. OHMYSGODS! The photo of him kissing my cheek and she had to make a big hoohaaa about it, because a kiss on the cheek is intimate to her. So to all my friends whom I kissed on the cheek and hugged, I love you and I have intimate thoughts of you everynight. And no, I did not tell her what sort of relationship am I in with THATGUYWHOKISSEDYOURCHEEKHOLYHELL! Well, I'm confused about the relationship too, that's why.

Thirdly, mother of all hells - Industrial Training starts again. I'll be training as some low class waitress in some lower class japanese restaurant, because highso Zn thinks they're too fucking good for me. Tomorrow I have to report for duty and, it's 2047hours, the schedule for me is not out yet. Shit, so blloody hell efficient.

Fourthly, I am deprived.

Nic loves work. eaaright

Last Day.

Finally.
But I feel some frust and anger in me for being wrongly accused of something. hmpfh. Working with women is such a task. tsk.

OMG, I forgot that I'm a woman myself, no wonder I have conflicts with myself sometimes. Haiya.

EEK.

"You're not suitable to work in this field due to your background"
"Why you say so?"
"Normally people pamper you so much and suddenly you have to layan the guests and all.."

Well, I can if I want to but I can't be bothered anymore, I'm getting sick of the hotel.
I hate arrogant guests who walks into the hotel and thinks that they are oh-so-fucking-wow and the people working there are shits to be look down on. (especially singaporeans, blech)

9 more days! Lovely!
I can't wait to have some fun. =) awesomness.

I want to be Peter Pan.

I have 3 more weeks until I return to my normal life as a -bum- slacking young adult. Oh, the joy.

I never want to grow up. I want to stay young and never want to enter the working world. Adults are fucked up -uh-huh- with the exception of hot balds in their late 20s and hot tanned men in their mid 20s gorgeously suited and smells of Bvlgari.

oohhhhh!

I shall bear with the hotel since I've only another 3 weeks with them and try to be in my best behaviour. HoohA!

The thought of going back in the hotel is not as traumatizing as the fact of finding out that someone has been in the compounds of my house illegally! The thought that someone has been into my house without anyone of us knowing.. is.. O M F G.

Dammit. Don't rob me la. Shit I'm so poor I don't have enough money to buy chicken wings K?!

"Moms are always right, don't fuck around with them. Cos in the end you'll be the one fucking yourself" - Nicoisawesome

Scandals & Cigarettes.

Too tired - took 2 days off. =)

21 more days.
18 more working days.

Life is all about scandals and hidden secrets. That's what makes life so interesting and it is what makes the world go round, agree, no?

Our life basically evolves around juicy gossips and scandalous issues (or more so nowadays, dark hidden murderous secrets). More accurately, I should say it as, sinful crimes, turmoils, chaos... Anything that has a negative effect on other people, is more interesting that saving animals or the person winning some noble peace award.

True? True?

Don't you just have that burning yearn to eavesdrop on that bunch of girls sitting at the next table, talking about, say - Which Wife slept with Which Husband? - - Which Husband ran away with Which Maid? -

Interesting isn't it?

Everyone has their fair share of scandals la.
Hidden secrets, why not talk about your own dirty secrets than gossiping about other peoples, making their life even less bearable? Because we're all selfish bitches. We want the next person to die and rot in hell so that we, on the other hand can seem more, attractive, capable... whatever because there isn't - a competition - anymore.

A lil bit of self discovery and soul searching

Is what I need.

My life's at a lost, I'm at a lost. I don't know what I've become and what I want. Things that I've vowed not to do again, I've done. Being in the same shithole over and over again.

I've a problem with myself so badly that even my own body is trying to kill/hurt myself. As I search desperately for what I was once before, not because it was great, but it was better than some parts of what I am now. I still search in vain.

I've a problem, in trusting men. Everytime I try to protect myself, I hurt the opposite. In the end, hurting myself. I became a screw up not because I choose to be, because I had to be. I don't want to be the one hurting. The stupid one, the one that trusted his sweet words and let my guard down.

I was made a bitch because of the assholes you men tend to be.