My Dirty Secrets

It's been awhile

2008-10-02T02:02:00.005+08:00

Been awhile since I last smelled your bvlgari perfume on your body, have you started using a new one yet? Since I felt your touch, do you remember my smooth skin? Tasted your sweet lips and your warmth in me, was I your last. do they yearn for me? A few more days, until I see you again. You are the only lover, ( at the moment.. ) am I yours?

If you love me, won't you let me know?

Me, Im The Creator.

2008-09-13T01:40:00.003+08:00

Of all things horny & evil, ho ho, NOT! Yes, I can be a mighty bitch sometimes. Most of the time I'm just a bitch, a nice one. Example of bitchy me today, I was so sick and tired of the way some irresponsible Malaysians drive, I honked simultaneously at this one car infront of me. He was obviously rushing as if, chasing for the light of sexual bliss/enlightment/blabla. He couldn't wait at the right lane to turn right as everyone was doing, he had to BLOCK my lane from turning left, because the left lane was shorter and we did not have to wait for the light.

Being the daft/stupid/ball-ess driver as he already is, his planned of cutting the que didnt work, he was still STUCK at the left lane when the light turned red, STUPID. Why can't you just wait?! Sometimes being patient can get you to whatever sexual bliss you were rushing for faster. Rather than driving wreckless, cause an accident or fuck up another person's day and lose your balls. I am nice, I don't honk much, I just curse your balls off in the car (whoops, yeap that's how your balls shrank) but this time, after mental exhaustion from finance AND law, I decided to just let it out. BOY! Did it feeeell goood. Celaka all these drivers.

Love,

NicoleBooBoo

Crazy.

2008-09-08T20:05:00.003+08:00

Have you seen our country's latest political dramatic composition? Total political madness! Impractical and senseless. Not to say a total embarrassment to most of the people in our country! With 'a few' of our politicians having conniption fits nearly all the time. (so dramatic) How would foreigners view us, they already have a bleak outlook on us, what more with all these going on now.. Tsk. What happened Malaysia? What happened?!

J'aime Malaisie! (no matter what)

I love lace. It's the latest crazy trend ever. I love lace. ;0)

NEXT.

2008-09-06T00:36:00.007+08:00

Gorgeous sunset

It is always so easy to write here compared to writing in xanga. Maybe it is because of the lack of privacy I have there and maybe because I have one too many secrets to hide from those people who read my xanga. Those scandalous secrets that might cause a real strain on relationships and emotional harm. Ahh, it has been quite awhile since I last properly wrote, I'm afraid I'm loosing my touch, as I type this, I see Baldie popping up online, I miss the sex we had, the night I had with him in Singapore. Almost as I think I know how I feel for him, I lose it. I always said he will always be the other man, the one I can never get rid off, he still is, it's just what role does he play in my life that I'm confused off, my sex toy? My not the time yet future companion? I can go on forever questioning myself.

Next is my determining period of whether I graduate with my diploma in the next 4 months, I can't even guarantee myself a pass for this second last term. I question my abilities all the time, maybe because studying does not appeal as much as the clothes and shoes. Hohoho! (oh no!) Should've taken the easier route of going into Rooms Division.

Is it not sex is the next best thing in life? No wonder my life has been going downhill, I'm sexually DEPRIVED. (whooops, sorry for the TMO to my angelicVirgin friends). I miss D, I need what Pilot can give me and I want Baldie. Now, why can't women practice polygamy too?

-------------

My very charming and pretty cousin sister had her wedding ceremony last weekend

Bye. Till the next sunset...

Love,

Nicole

NEWS!

2008-06-14T20:52:00.005+08:00

I meant by, new. I've been so busy lately, I've no time for myself! or my friends, I feel horrible. But when I'm not busy at work, I'm bored at home because it'll be on weekends, and I don't like going out on weekends and most of my friends would be busy with their family.

Yeah, I don't like being in crowded places.

I got my new phone, finally. Time is practically flying pass and it has been nearly 3 months since I left my books for my industrial training and it'll soon be time for me to go back and face another half a year in college. Nerve wrecking, especially restaurant practicals.

I broke up with D about a month ago. Which I don't feel extremely, sad.. or heart broken. I guess my heart wasnt at his most of the time. Ahh, there's another big bad secret that I've to keep hush about which happened in Singapore. Yes, there's always the other man, there's always him around. Would it change anything if I was permanently in Singapore?

Time flies, doesn't it?

2008-05-05T13:31:00.003+08:00

It's already been a week since I left my very short but 'amazing' holiday in Singapore and I think I left my heart there as well. I can't help but miss those complains of taking the pubic transports, sharing bathrooms with strangers and sneaking in late/or early in the morning to the dorm after a good night of beer. I miss the 2 men there, or maybe I just don't see them often and I feel comfortable in their company.
I miss meeting up with SIM and our struggle in finding the perfect pair of flops. I miss being away from it all in KL and be totally carefree in Singapore. I can't help but to shudder in fear and discomfort to think about the other half of 2008. Where classes will start again and the pressure for restaurant practical heighthens. Where it'll be the determining period of whether I'll pass my Diploma and move on to Australia or Singapore. =)

And in the next half of 2008, I've to make up my mind on which University to attend. Which country to go to. What course do I want to continue with. Whether I'll regret with the path I've chosen.

O M G. Stress.

I just want to get married and have kids. Thanks.

Omg.

2008-04-29T09:59:00.003+08:00

Sex helps. Lols.

I'm back from my very short holiday in Singapore. Short and fast. Time flies when you're having fun, before I could actually say a proper hello to Singapore, I'm already leaving. Still, it was 4 days 3 nights of bliss and complains.
Complains, because of my terrible mood swings that probably drove Selyna MAD, complains she had to bear for the first two days in Singapore. Until she had to let her frust out by telling baby about my complains.
Selyna "You know she's been complaining so much. Complain yesterday, complain this morning.
Damn bad mood la she today"
D "Isn't that normal for her?"

I stayed at the hostel for the first night. Which was pretty uncomfortable. Met up with Kyle and Sim in Bugis for dinner and a walk-around. Then had beers late night with the baldie. After suffering from frust of taking&waiting for the public bus, I felt so happy & relieved to have someone to pick me up and take me around. You cannot imagine how lost I and uncomfortable I felt taking the public bus.

Second day was spent in FHA and Orchard with Sim & Selyna. D picked us up for dinner and pool. Took Sim to see his Merlion. Actually felt happy that D was able to mix with my friends =)
Selyna left on the third day and I spent the day and night in Sentosa with D. I'm still confused about a lot of things.

I miss the work-free days, those hours of being in his arms... OMG. Fuck.

Yeahs!

2008-04-17T23:33:00.003+08:00

I am so so so happy that I pass my economics! I bought the shoes I really wanted AND, I'm going to Singapore! =) =) Life is going kinda well...

I just need a little more money for clothes.

Going Mental

2008-04-14T09:13:00.003+08:00

It is coming close to every night that I dream about working. Because work has caught up with my life, slowly creaping its way tru my veins and sooner or later taking over my body... Maybe it has already done so. Lifeless, is what I may say about my life now. Other than working with a bunch of a bit crazy Indonesian Chinese, my life is a dull. No more cheesy scandals, no more naughty real life situations.. no more.. fucks. Pathetic huh? And who can say "life sucks!" better than max?

I'd be turning to an emo fuck soon if D does not call. I have imaginations of him having another girl. wtfs. I am going crazy. I miss Penny and Jing so much at these times when we can go out and have our girly chatt and TRY to eat healthy, TRY to shop cheap.. It really takes my mind off things. *sobs* I feels likes cryings.

I am trying to keep myself away from cigs, other than showing the others how to do a reversed waterfall last night, I have been doing a great job. I was never really addicted to cigarettes. I can mostly do without it but with the pressure going on in me, a cig is like a 1/5 path to a few seconds of 'bliss'. But is it worth it to destroy a further few years of my life?

Wild Sex.

2008-04-08T08:40:00.004+08:00

I was thinking of those intimate scenes in movies or those written in books and realised what turned me on the most was those really wild/forced ones. I'd like a guy who would just pin me down in bed and start ravaging my body. LOLS.

It scared me a bit last year, when buddingpilot knew what I wanted, he could just read me like an open book. He says the right things about me and that is, quite freaky. I have never had anyone who truly knows what I desire, not even my closest friends know my deepest, wildest, darkest, secrets and fantasies. OMG.

But the relationship between buddingpilot and me is gone. That is what I think, when I told him that I was getting back with my ex. He thought my ex was a puss and a loser when he couldnt decide whether he wanted me or not at first. I mean, alright.. maybe D is a bit.. indecisive or shy at times on expressing himself, and then.. I wanted a man, so I took bPilot undermywings (hahawtfs). Now, I'm telling him that, I've chosen the loser, over the bestwildgoodsexguyhim. The guy whom I 'cheated' with him on.. (no I'm not proud of what I've done)

He's pissed off. I don't know what to do. But the question is whether was he just playing around in the first place? eh?

I love jing who tried to called me countless times to see me in Pyramid. I love jing. she hots. =)

OMG

2008-04-06T20:39:00.003+08:00

Firstly, I would like to express my... uhm, dissatisfaction towards my parents and their respect for my privacy - They read my text message when my phone rang, dammit! wtf?!cibai. Really, I feel so violated. I know I'm their daughter, but there's respecting ones privacy? Daughter rights?! No? No words can describe how terribly angered I am. I did not argue with them, because my mom sees no problem of reading my private letters. =) How FUCKED UP is it?

Secondly, she saw the photo of D & me. OHMYSGODS! The photo of him kissing my cheek and she had to make a big hoohaaa about it, because a kiss on the cheek is intimate to her. So to all my friends whom I kissed on the cheek and hugged, I love you and I have intimate thoughts of you everynight. And no, I did not tell her what sort of relationship am I in with THATGUYWHOKISSEDYOURCHEEKHOLYHELL! Well, I'm confused about the relationship too, that's why.

Thirdly, mother of all hells - Industrial Training starts again. I'll be training as some low class waitress in some lower class japanese restaurant, because highso Zn thinks they're too fucking good for me. Tomorrow I have to report for duty and, it's 2047hours, the schedule for me is not out yet. Shit, so blloody hell efficient.

Fourthly, I am deprived.

Nic loves work. eaaright

Last Day.

2007-12-20T09:19:00.001+08:00

Finally.
But I feel some frust and anger in me for being wrongly accused of something. hmpfh. Working with women is such a task. tsk.

OMG, I forgot that I'm a woman myself, no wonder I have conflicts with myself sometimes. Haiya.

EEK.

2007-12-10T09:55:00.000+08:00

"You're not suitable to work in this field due to your background"
"Why you say so?"
"Normally people pamper you so much and suddenly you have to layan the guests and all.."

Well, I can if I want to but I can't be bothered anymore, I'm getting sick of the hotel.
I hate arrogant guests who walks into the hotel and thinks that they are oh-so-fucking-wow and the people working there are shits to be look down on. (especially singaporeans, blech)

9 more days! Lovely!
I can't wait to have some fun. =) awesomness.

I want to be Peter Pan.

2007-11-30T16:24:00.000+08:00

I have 3 more weeks until I return to my normal life as a -bum- slacking young adult. Oh, the joy.

I never want to grow up. I want to stay young and never want to enter the working world. Adults are fucked up -uh-huh- with the exception of hot balds in their late 20s and hot tanned men in their mid 20s gorgeously suited and smells of Bvlgari.

oohhhhh!

I shall bear with the hotel since I've only another 3 weeks with them and try to be in my best behaviour. HoohA!

The thought of going back in the hotel is not as traumatizing as the fact of finding out that someone has been in the compounds of my house illegally! The thought that someone has been into my house without anyone of us knowing.. is.. O M F G.

Dammit. Don't rob me la. Shit I'm so poor I don't have enough money to buy chicken wings K?!

"Moms are always right, don't fuck around with them. Cos in the end you'll be the one fucking yourself" - Nicoisawesome

Scandals & Cigarettes.

2007-11-29T19:14:00.001+08:00

Too tired - took 2 days off. =)

21 more days.
18 more working days.

Life is all about scandals and hidden secrets. That's what makes life so interesting and it is what makes the world go round, agree, no?

Our life basically evolves around juicy gossips and scandalous issues (or more so nowadays, dark hidden murderous secrets). More accurately, I should say it as, sinful crimes, turmoils, chaos... Anything that has a negative effect on other people, is more interesting that saving animals or the person winning some noble peace award.

True? True?

Don't you just have that burning yearn to eavesdrop on that bunch of girls sitting at the next table, talking about, say - Which Wife slept with Which Husband? - - Which Husband ran away with Which Maid? -

Interesting isn't it?

Everyone has their fair share of scandals la.
Hidden secrets, why not talk about your own dirty secrets than gossiping about other peoples, making their life even less bearable? Because we're all selfish bitches. We want the next person to die and rot in hell so that we, on the other hand can seem more, attractive, capable... whatever because there isn't - a competition - anymore.

A lil bit of self discovery and soul searching

2007-11-09T11:17:00.000+08:00

Is what I need.

My life's at a lost, I'm at a lost. I don't know what I've become and what I want. Things that I've vowed not to do again, I've done. Being in the same shithole over and over again.

I've a problem with myself so badly that even my own body is trying to kill/hurt myself. As I search desperately for what I was once before, not because it was great, but it was better than some parts of what I am now. I still search in vain.

I've a problem, in trusting men. Everytime I try to protect myself, I hurt the opposite. In the end, hurting myself. I became a screw up not because I choose to be, because I had to be. I don't want to be the one hurting. The stupid one, the one that trusted his sweet words and let my guard down.

I was made a bitch because of the assholes you men tend to be.

After a month.

2007-11-04T13:19:00.000+08:00

I'm in my second department, I am trying to take it and look at it in a different perspective but heck, I did not NOT choose to major in Rooms Division in my second year for a reason.

I'm not the housekeeping type. Not even high-so executive housekeeper type.

Being in this department is really testing my humility, being a practical trainee for my first general training, I'm suppose to learn the basic, lowest of all post in the department. Being in housekeeping means I've to clean rooms and bathrooms AND the public area of the hotel.

Dad : "You have to learn to do things below your level to achieve better success next time."
Me : "But to train as a cleaner? A bit STUPID right?"

---

Mom : "You should talk to your college about this, although you're student status, why should

put you doing all this dirty jobs for so long?"

Me : "Exactly, I didnt qualify and pass all my stupid business maths, food sc, etc to be a

cleaner."

---

Yes, I admit, I want face. I'm willing to clean rooms and bathrooms because then only I'll know the standard of how a room is suppose to be cleaned and look like but NOT too long and NOT a person who sweeps the floor or wipe objects in the hotel.

No, I'm not degrading those cleaners in the hotel, I don't look down at them, I even feel proud that at least they got themselves a legal, paying job. I'm looking at it in MY manner, I don't like and want to be a cleaner.

Admit it, YOU wouldn't like it either, right? How would you feel?

A part of me wants to test my limits, patience and whatever. It's a process to make me a better person. Another part of me is, a bit... wanting face, my skin isn't that thick afterall.

Mom said she could get Dr. X (a specialist and a good friend of my mom and cousin sister after they were diagnosed with Breast Cancer, also their surgeon) to write me a letter stating I've some kind of medical problem that sees me unfit for the job/department or MCs.

Everyday, since I started in housekeeping, I've been thinking positive and assuring myself that, I can learn something from this and not to be cynical of everything and the people I work with.

I'll tell you the outcome after next week. I AM giving housekeeping a chance.

Dad : "Look at how dirty your cup is, all the coffee stains."

Me : "The cup's too white la, needs colour."

Do I look like a housekeeping attendant to you? I didn't think so.

2007-10-08T12:05:00.000+08:00

Best shit of the day:

Was polishing the glasses for the next shift when they come in, there were piles more.

"Kalau tak sempat buat semua, I ajar cara yang terbaik & terpantas"
"Aper?"
"Kita pecahkan semua! Besok kan kurang kerja.. ahahaha.."
". . . haha. . ."

English:
"If we can't finish polishing the glasses, I'll teach you the fastest way to settle the problem"
"what?"
"We break all the glasses! We'll also have less work tomorrow.. ahahahaha.."
". . . haha . . ."